


Twenty-Four Teeny Tiny Jars

by amalnahurriyeh



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Advent Calendar, Christmas 2020 with all its weirdness, Christmas Fluff, Food, Hanukkah, M/M, Mixed-Faith Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:02:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28288884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amalnahurriyeh/pseuds/amalnahurriyeh
Summary: Being a selections of transcripts from Eric Bittle’s Instagram video posts in the month of December, 2020.
Relationships: Eric "Bitty" Bittle/Jack Zimmermann
Comments: 24
Kudos: 122





	Twenty-Four Teeny Tiny Jars

🎄December 1🎄

_Eric is sitting at his kitchen desk, a frequent filming location for non-baking videos._

Hey, y’all!Now, I don’t want to make too big a deal out of this, but I know that a lotta y’all have been a bit ticked because I haven’t been posting as muchas usual lately.And, I know, I feel you on that. It’s definitely been stressful around here, because let me tell you, the resident hockey robot spends more time trying to figure out when he’s going back to work than he does changing diapers.And Felix is getting teeth, which, believe me, I’m happy about, but it would be great if he could just…sleep? Ever? Anyway, food for thought, maybe don’t have a pandemic baby.Not that most of you have a choice in the matter.Anyway.I’m rambling.

The point is, with the total and complete chaos situation round these parts, I have been a little stumped coming up for content.But! Into the void swept my in-laws.First I get a text from them sometime like a week ago saying they’re sending me something ‘for Advent.’Now, I don’t know about y’all, but we never did anything for Advent in my house growing up, so having my Jewish in-laws suddenly decide to send me something for this Christian thing that I don’t do, when they’ve never done so in the five years they’ve been my in-laws? Weird. But I assumed it was, like, a Canadian thing, or a ‘we were on Amazon because there’s a pandemic and we can’t send you a Thanksgiving present because that would involve ceding territory in the ongoing war about Canadian vs. American Thanksgiving’ present.So this box came.

_He puts a cardboard box, already opened, on the desk._

I put it aside to open later, and then Bob texts and says - hold on, let me quote this.

_He picks up his phone to read it._

“Hé mon fils, did you get it? I saw it at Costco and I thought it could make a good gimmick for December.”

_Eric pauses to raise an eyebrow at the camera._

Well, okay then.So I went and opened it, and.Well.

_He opens the box and pulls out a red-and-white cardboard box with French all over it._

So this here, it appears, is a jam-themed Advent calendar.Bonne Maman, that’s the brand, it’s French, and you know, they’ve got the pretty red and white lids? Really great packaging.I’m not saying I buy jam, you know, ever, but in a pinch, I’ve picked up a jar and it’s good stuff for store bought.

_From off screen, Jack calls out “You sent me the Costco pack of the strawberry when I was in Toronto.”Eric turns to face him._

Hush, you. That was because you only packed one jar and getting more across the border would have taken a major smuggling operation. 

_He turns back to the camera._

Honestly, that border is locked down like…well, like they’re trying not to catch our cooties, which, fair enough.Anyway, where was I?Oh, yes, the jam.Well! This isn’t just their normal stuff.It’s all, like, the fancy flavours. 

_He looks at the side of the box._

Well, this side’s in French, so I’m only getting half of it, but…apricot and bergamot, doesn’t that sound interesting? Cerise et…sureau? That’s cherry and something.I’m gonna need a dang dictionary. Oh, and there’s some honey in here too. Anyway, you get a different jam every day.So yes, thank you, Bob, I’m going to take your advice.Every day between now and Christmas Eve, we’re gonna crack one of these babies open every day and try it out.So! Let’s get it started!

_He rips off the plastic, and slides off the cardboard that surrounds the calendar._

There, don’t need that.Oh, this cardboard sleeve is useful, it’s got all the flavours and ingredients.Now if you look at this, you can tell it’s good jam, because it’s got no colours, no flavours added, just fruit, sugar, and pectin.Sometimes some spices.Now this little calendar is just adorable, look at it, it’s got all the little doors on it, on both sides, and they’re all numbered.Really cute.So let’s find the first.Hmm.Oh, here it is!OK, and I pull it open, and there’s a teeny little jam pot in there! Oh my goodness that’s so adorable. Let’s get it out.

_He tries to pull it out and fails._

Oh man, that’s really stuck.I think if I juuuuuuuuust go like thiiiiiiiiiis - ah, there you go.Oh, look at it!

_He holds the teeny tiny jar to the camera._

Cuuuuuuuuuute!I love it. 

OK, let’s check this out.This is…apricot and mango.Well, I won’t say that’s a completely surprising flavour combination.I guess usually it’s peach and mango that get put together.But this should be a good combo. Now, let me tell you, jam on the spoon is just fine if you’re looking just to get the flavours.But you know me, I gotta be a little extra.So, I whipped up some biscuits real quick to have with our dinner tonight, and I kept a couple extra just for this.Now if you’ve been watching me you know how to make you some biscuits, but just in case, I’m gonna put a link in into the video.Make biscuits, it’ll make your whole day better, takes like twenty minutes.Okay, let me pop the seal on this baby. 

_He opens the jar and sniffs it._

Smells great, you can really get both the apricot and the mango in it.Mmm, this is good.Ok, I’m gonna put it on the biscuit and then we’re gonna see what’s what. 

_He spreads the jam on a biscuit half and takes a big bite.Thoughtfully, he chews, nodding._

Okay, that’s really great.You get both flavours, neither one is overpowering, which is important because mango can really take over if you let it.Let me look at this jar.This is nice, they say what percentage is fruit and what percentage is sugar.Out of a hundred grams, at least, and this jar is… thirty grams. 

_He takes another bite of the biscuit._

I would say that you’re looking at enough for maybe two pieces of toast in here? Maybe a sandwich, although honestly, a nice flavour like this would kinda get lost on a pb&j.So maybe keep this one for toast or a nice loaf of bread.Or, you know. 

_He shakes his biscuit, then takes another bite._

Well, I clearly owe my in-laws a nice note about this.We’ll be doing this for the next twenty three days, so I hope you are as excited as I am!See y’all tomorrow!

🎄December 4 🎄

_Eric is sitting on a couch, with Felix against his chest._

Wave to the camera, Felix!

_He picks up Felix’s fist and waves it.Felix is looking between his hand and his dad’s face.Eric boops his nose and smiles at him._

Yeah, we’re doing this because it’s cute, right?And not because Papa is out bringing groceries to the little old lady next door because your Daddy married a literal Disney prince, not at all. 

_Eric looks back at the camera._

I knew I wouldn’t have as many hands free, so I already got out my jam and put it on some nice bread.Here’s today’s pick: seedless raspberry.

_He holds up the jar to the camera._

Now, I was gonna have a little bit of an argument here with the good folks at Bonne Maman, because as you certainly know if you’re watching this channel, if you strain raspberries enough to get the seeds out, then you’re pretty much going to have a jelly on your hands.Maybe you’ll keep some pulp for texture, but really, it’s a jelly.However, I took a moment to look it up, and it turns out that French cooking doesn’t make the distinction between jam, jelly, and preserves - it’s all confiture.Which, yes, if you recognized the word confit in there, it is related to duck confit - both words have to do with preserving.It’s all just preserves if you’re French. So I’m letting you slide today, Bonne Maman.

_He sets the jar down and picks up a slice of homemade bread with the raspberry jam spread on it._

Here it is on the bread.It’s a really great colour, very spreadable.Smells great.

_He pulls it back and takes a bite._

Now, that’s delicious.It’s very simple, but you get all the flavours.Personally, I don’t mind seeds in raspberry jam, but I know they can be a texture problem for some people, and if you are using a jam as a flavouring in cooking or something like that, you might not want them.

_Felix reaches for the bread._

No, honey, this is too hard for you to chew.Daddy’ll give you one of those rice biscuits in a minute. 

_Eric takes another bite of the bread.Felix keeps reaching and starts making little noises.Eric mindlessly gives him his knuckle to chew on while he eats the bread._

The thing about this jam is - OW! 

_He pulls his hand away from Felix’s mouth._

Son of a gun.I forgot you had teeth. 

🎄December 8🎄

_Eric is sitting at his kitchen desk._

Hey, y’all.Hope you’re having a good day.Let’s eat some jam. 

_He picks up the calendar and looks for the door._

I’m gonna be real with y’all, I’m feeling a little down today.I think it’s slowly hitting all of us how hard it’s gonna be to celebrate the holidays this year without our families.Even with how crazy it is during the season, we’ve always done Christmas with my parents, and usually we’ve either been able to do a holiday meal on either Canadian or American Thanksgiving with one or both sets of parents, and if the schedule allows we get together with the Zimmermanns for Passover or for Rosh Hashanah.Plus, we normally get to do some good family vacations in the off season.We couldn’t do any of that this year, and not being able to do Christmas - it’s kinda the period on the end of a long nine months.None of our parents have gotten to hold their grand baby yet.And they won’t be here for his first Christmas.It’s just breaking my heart. 

_He opens the door and starts wrestling with the jam jar._

And it’s not helped by the fact that some people - well, you know.I’m from the south. We don’t like being told what to do.So when some busybody at church starts talking Mama’s ear off about how it’s not really that dangerous to get on a plane, or when one of my cousins says they’re gonna do a socially distanced cookie swap but it turns out that they’re all takin’ their masks off and walking around inside the house - I mean, it just makes it harder to hold that line. 

_He sighs deeply, turning the jar over in his hands._

We’re luckier than most, we know that - we haven’t lost anybody yet, we’ve got a roof over our heads and things are pretty secure.But it’s still sad, to lose the time with the family. 

_He sighs again, and then shakes it off. When he looks back at the camera, it’s with more determination._

But, you know what.We can do this.The vaccine is just about here and it’s gonna mean so much.We just have to keep being safe for a little while longer.And so, in two days it’s the first night of Hanukkah, and we’re gonna FaceTime the Zimmermans while we light the candles.We found this little thingy that Google built where you can spin a dreidel online, so we can all play together.Felix is gonna open his first presents.And on Christmas, I’m trying to get my family to organize a big Zoom party for all of us, so it’ll be like the open house that we’d normally be having at Moomaw’s.So it’ll be good.It’s just different, that’s all.

Okay, enough sadness.Jam time.We have here…

_He peers at the label._

Fig and cardamom. Oh, that sounds so good.You know, I never had figs in anything but Fig Newtons until I was like eighteen.But they’re so good, you can do so much with them.Let’s get this on the bread.

_He spreads it on the bread._

You know, I actually really like Fig Newtons?I always liked how you could peel ‘em apart, and then the way the seeds were crunchy.It’s different from how raspberry seeds are crunchy, you know?Oh, I forgot to smell the jam.So let me take a sniff now…oh, the cardamom really works.I guess they’re both traditional flavours from the Middle East, so there’s something of a natural pairing there.Let’s taste this guy.

_He takes a bite._

Mmmm.Mmmm mmmm, hmm.Oh, that’s fabulous.The jam is softer than a Fig Newton filling - as well it should be - and the figs aren’t perfectly pureed, so there’s some chunks. The thing about figs is they don’t break down in the same way berries do for jam, they’re more like a stone fruit in terms of texture.This would be nice on a cheese plate, definitely.Oh, hold on…

_He stands up and walks out of frame.There are the noises of a fridge opening and some rustling.The fridge closes.He comes back into frame holding a round wooden box._

I’ve got here a Delice de Bourgogne, which is just the most fabulous triple-cream cheese.If you like soft cheeses, this one is just fabulous.And it’s pretty widely available.Of course, if you want to support local cheesemakers, you can absolutely get high quality triple-cremes.It’s only a double, but I really love the Little Something from Sweet and Salty Farms here in Rhode Island, if you’re local. 

_He places a slice of the Delice de Bourgogne on top of the fig jam on the bread, and takes a bite._

Oh my god.OK, that’s amazing.I’m not saying this is my favourite jam, first, because it’s only the 9th, second, because that pear and mirabelle plum.But this one might be the most complex one to date, and it’s definitely giving me cooking thoughts. So, take that as you will. 

🕎December 11🕎

_Eric is sitting at his kitchen desk._

So, I was informed by my husband that I made a huge mistake by eating last night’s jam on bread.Why was that a mistake?Because it was the first night of Hanukkah, so I should have eaten my jam on a latke.Now, let me tell you. I love latkes. They’re great.I like them with sour cream. Once I had them with pastrami, that was fabulous.I even get the whole apple sauce thing, because apples and onions, that’s a real good natural pairing.Apple butter, fabulous.But. Jam? Really? 

But, you know, who am I to argue.And so. 

_He picks up a plate of latkes._

Let’s go. 

_He picks up the calendar and opens the door._

OK, and this one is…cerise et myrtille. Oh, I know this one, a myrtille is actually a European relative of the blueberry, sometimes they call it bilberry. So if you get that blueberry cake at Ikea, that’s what it’s got on it, not the same blueberries as here.It’s real close though, in terms of flavour.Definitely you can swap them for each other, though I’d recommend a wild blueberry rather than the farmed kind, the flavour’s closer and more intense.Anyway. 

_He opens the jar._

Still not over these little jars.OK.Smell first. 

_He sniffs._

Smells great. The cherry’s a little more dominant, but I think if you look at the color, you can see the bilberries.They just tilt it a bit more purple.Now, let’s get the knife. 

_He takes out about half the jam and spreads it on a latke._

Here goes.

_He takes a bite, chews thoughtfully, sets the latke down, and looks directly in the camera._

Y’all.It’s jam on a potato.I don’t know what to tell you. 

_He turns to reach for something off camera._

Luckily for myself. 

_He pulls his hand back, holding a basket of biscuits._

Yeah.I was prepared for this outcome.

_He breaks one.It’s still steaming, just slightly.He spreads the rest of the jam on it and takes a bite._

Hmm.Yeah, okay, that’s a good flavour.I feel like this isn’t a combo most people would think of, but it’s actually very natural.I think these are sweet cherries, but not quite sure.It’s got a roundness to it that I think works really well.I can tell you right now, I can’t tell the flavour difference from the bilberries versus American blueberries, but that’s probably because the cherry is stronger. Or they used American blueberries and just put myrtille on the label to sound fancier.Anyway, it definitely makes me want to play with this flavour combo.You know, it should be possible to get both in season for the Fourth - maybe it could make a good red-white-and-blue combo if done right?Worth some experiments.

_From off screen, Jack’s voice: “Hey, you didn’t try it with the latkes!”_

Oh, honey, I did, I just hated it.

_Jack comes into frame and grabs the jam covered latke off the plate.He eats it in one bite._

You’re so gross, goodness. 

_“It’s good,” Jack mumbles through a mostly full mouth._

Weirdo. 

🕎December 14🕎

_Eric is at his kitchen desk._

Hey, y’all!I am super excited to try tonight’s jam.But first! Y’all know I keep squeeing over these teeny jars, but I have had no idea what to do with them.Well!At two am when I was feeding Felix, I was on my phone googling for DIY menorahs, because I have seen what some of y’all have been doing for Hanukkah and there are so! Many! Menorahs! Jack tells me that all you really need is one but excuse me, I am southern and gay, of course I am gonna be extra about holiday decorating.So anyway, I was searching, and I found some really really cute ones - there was this one with plastic dinosaurs spray painted gold? But apparently it catches on fire if you let the candles burn all the way down, so maybe not a great idea.But then!There’s this whole tradition of _oil-burning_ menorahs! Which makes sense, because, you know, oil lamp, miracle in the temple, all that.And most of them rely on using little shot glasses or something.So I spent some time getting crafty this morning aaaaaaand….

_He holds up a piece of brightly painted 2x4, with lots of glitter.Nine small jam pots are attached to it, and have been painted as well._

Ta-dah!Now I’m gonna put the link to [the tutorial I followed](https://biblebeltbalabusta.com/2014/12/03/oil-menorahs-diy-or-buy/), but it is really easy, you just need something for the base, to attach nine of the jars or anything else tiny and fire proof to it, and then decorate to you heart’s content!Painting on glass can be a little hard, but I had some nail polish laying around somewhere that worked pretty well.I sacrificed some old candles for the wicks for today, and ordered some others off the internet, and I used some floral wire -

_He holds up the menorah to the camera so you can see the wick suspended in the centre of the jar._

See there? That holds it in the middle.You could use some unfolded paperclips.Or apparently you can just, like, lean it against the side, but that would just be weird.Olive oil is traditional, and you don’t want to use too much, or the thing will burn all night long.You know that you aren’t supposed to blow out Hanukkah candles? I did not until Jack and I moved in together.Fun fact.

Now, let’s try today’s jam.This just gives me more teeny jars to use up, I love it. 

_He locates the right door and wrestles the jar out._

I know they gotta pack those jars safe for shipping but honestly, if they could just be like ten percent easier to remove, I would love that.Let’s see what we got here.Strawberry rhubarb.Well that’s a classic if I ever saw one.You know what I always find so interesting when I watch the Great British Bake-off, it’s the way they all talk about rhubarb and custard being the classic presentation. 

_He is opening the jar and spreading the jam on a slice of bread while talking._

Americans don’t eat anywhere near as much custard as Europeans in general, and we don’t have the whole custard powder obsession that the Brits do.I once bought a tin of custard powder in a supermarket because I saw it, and I was like, this has to be some kinda magical substance the way people talk about it, but you what what’s in that dang tin?Cornstarch with some added colour and flavour.It’s like pudding mix without the sugar!And frankly the flavour is not that strong, I had to add some vanilla to it to get it to taste like anything.Boxed pudding, that’s what it is.I don’t have anything against a good cornstarch pudding - Moomaw’s banana pudding is a cornstarch pudding, not an egg custard - but seriously, they talk about it like it’s a national institution.Hmph.

_He takes a big bite of the bread with jam on it._

Mmmm.You know, the balance is sweeter than I would usually lean - no, not sweeter, that’s not the right term.It’s that the rhubarb is really playing second string here.The strawberry is dominant, and the rhubarb is just layered over top.In a pie, I usually lean a little the other way, get those tart flavours going.But it’s good, definitely.

_He takes another bite._

Yeah, definitely good.Well. Thanks so much for being here tonight, and see you tomorrow!

🕎December 18🕎

_Eric is sitting at his kitchen desk.Pots are visibly bubbling on the stove behind him.There are two empty and one half-empty bottles of wine on the counter._

Okay, y’all! I am excited to try tonight’s flavour.Gonna be a little fast though, because we have our friends in our pod over, and I gotta get dinner on the table soon enough.So.Let’s crack this box!

_He picks up the calendar and opens the window.He struggles to get the tiny jar out of the container._

For cryin’ out loud here.Come out of the plastic, you little monster.

_He succeeds._

There,Honestly.Hmph.Today we have…oh.Hmm.Okay, we’ve got ananas et fruit de passion.Ananas, that’s a funny word.It means pineapple.And passionfruit.Well, we’ve had some good things with passionfruit, but I have to admit, I am not feeling confident about pineapple jam.Pineapple is just such a…big flavour.Kinda kicks everything it’s with in the nuts, pardon my language.And the stringiness.So I’m a little worried about this.Let’s give it a shot though.All right, cracking the seal.

_He opens the jar and leans down to sniff it._

Oh…

_He sniffs again._

Oh, honey, no.

_He sniffs a third time._

Yeah, I can’t do that.It smells like a damn coke or something.Like, pineapple lip gloss.So weird.

_Another sniff._

Okay.What am I gonna do about this. 

_He regards the jar for a long moment, and then looks over his shoulder._

Mr. Knight!Mr. Knight, can I steal you for a moment?

_Commotion off screen.A guy with a moustache comes into the frame and pulls up a chair._

Mr. Knight: What can I do ya for, Bits?

Eric: Y’all, this is our friend Mr. Knight, and he’s gonna be our volunteer for the day.Now, Mr. Knight—

Mr. Knight: You know you can just call me Sh—

Eric: Not on my channel I can’t.Now, Mr. Knight, as you might know, I’m doing a jam advent calendar.

Mr. Knight: From the Zimmerparents, I saw! Do you think you could make that orange and passionfruit one?

Eric: Absolutely.And you’re in luck, because this one also has passionfruit in it, along with pineapple. So I’d like you to give his a taste and let the viewing public hear what you think of it. Sounds good?

Mr. Knight: For you, Bits, anything. 

_Mr. Knight reaches out to ruffle Eric’s hair._

Eric: If you touch my hair, I’m going to kill you. 

_Mr. Knight sighs dramatically._

Mr. Knight: You got a spoon?

Eric: I cut some nice bits of baguette right there, and there’s a knife.Be at least a little civilized, hon. 

Mr. Knight: OK, then. 

_Mr. Knight spreads the pineapple jam on a piece of bread.He takes a bite and chews._

Eric: Well? 

_Mr. Knight thinks while chewing._

Mr. Knight: This is… a lot.

_Eric looks knowingly at the camera.Mr. Knight looks in the jar, which has about half the jam left._

Mr. Knight: Be right back. 

_Mr. Knight stands and walks to the other side of the kitchen.There is the noise of glass tinkling.He comes back with a bottle._

Mr. Knight: Can I just point out to your audience that both types of rum in your cabinet are Mount Gay brand?

Eric: You may not.

_Mr. Knight tops off the tiny jar with white rum, puts the lid back on it, and shakes it pretty hard.He opens it back up and shoots the resulting liquid._

Mr. Knight: That was pretty good.Would have been better if you’d had Malibu, though.

Eric:And there you have it, everybody.See you tomorrow. 

🎄December 16🎄

_Eric is on the couch again.He is wearing[cotton holiday pyjamas](https://www.primary.com/shop/gifts/family-pjs/the-organic-long-sleeve-pj-top-in-bright-fairisle?color=bright-fairisle&ref=plp_pdp_g3_1)._

Hey, y’all!Well, as you can tell, I am all decked out in my holiday finery today.We actually just did a little family photo shoot in our matching pjs, and it was as cute as can be.Y’all know I stan Primary.com for their baby stuff - and they don’t pay me for it, but if they want to send me some new baby leggings with the stars, Felix has gotten so long that the 3-6 month ones are just capris at this point.But!I have a bone to pick with them about the grownup pyjamas, which is that apparently nobody in the holiday pyjama world has ever had to dress a guy built like my husband!Because I bought the size XL for him, and he literally could not get them up his thighs.We won’t even talk about the seat.I had to go back and get the XXL, which are just huge around the knees - and it’s not like his calves are tiny!And now he’s gotta pull the drawstring all the way in to keep them from falling off.It just ruins the lines.Look, all I’m saying is, somebody needs to make cute holiday pyjamas for hockey player proportions.Primary, get on that. 

_He picks up the calendar._

Now I’m gonna eat some jam. 

_He opens up the door and removes a small jar._

Oooh, grapefruit!Grapefruit and dragon fruit.Now, I can’t be quite sure but…

_He holds it up and peers carefully in the bottom._

Yep, this is not a marmalade.Which, you know, I don’t hate marmalade, but I don’t love it.But this…

_He pops the lid and sniffs, then examines the contents._

This…is a jelly.Smells like grapefruit - it’s pretty good smelling, actually.Dragon fruit is nice tasting, but I honestly think it’s not that exciting as a flavour.Don’t get me wrong, I will get one of those Starbucks pink drinks from time to time, but the colour is more impressive than the taste usually.Same thing with that other cactus fruit, what do they call it, the prickly pear.Great colour, okay flavour. 

_He spreads the jelly on a biscuit._

Now actually, I think the colour is showing the dragon fruit some, because this is a different pink than you get from pink grapefruit. And it’s transparent, which means they did a real good job straining the juice. 

_He takes a bite._

Mmm, that’s good.They’ve tempered the bitterness a lot.Grapefruit can be a hard flavour to manage because of that, but it’s quite nice.Not seeing a big contribution from the dragon fruit, but honestly, something neutral and sweet is probably a good pairing here. And it definitely seems fancy. 

_He takes another bite._

Honestly, you know what this tastes like? You ever had that fizzy water, Bubly? The grapefruit flavour.That’s what this tastes like.Which, I don’t know if that’s a recommendation or not, but that’s what it’s making me think about today.

_He takes another bite._

Well, I must like it, because I’m still eating it.Or maybe I’m just hungry.I could really use a cup of coffee.Yeah, I’m gonna get right on that.

🎄December 22🎄

_Eric is standing at his kitchen counter.He is wearing baby Felix in a carrier, and rocking back and forth, bouncing slightly, humming an off-key rendition of what might be O Canada.His hair is…not looking good._

_Text overlay: when will my eardrums return from the war_

_Eric keeps bouncing and humming.He picks up the advent calendar and opens the door.He holds the jar up to the camera.It reads Framboise et Lichi._

_An arrow points to it, with a text overlay: Raspberry and lychee._

_Eric opens the lid.Felix starts to fuss._

…ton front est ceint des fleurons glorieux…

_Eric picks up a loaf of store-broad bread and a jar of store-bought peanut butter.Text overlay: I’m tired, y’all._

…car ton bras sait porter l’epée…

_Felix settles down. Eric goes back to humming.He makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.When he puts it together, the two slices of bread are out of alignment._

_He takes a bite while still humming.While he chews, he gives the camera a thumbs up.Text overlay: Thanks, Bonne Maman, for tonight’s dinner.Also, teeth are evil._

🎄December 24🎄

_Eric is standing at his kitchen counter in his holiday pyjamas.The advent calendar is next to him, and a basket covered with a dishtowel.On the edge of the shot, a small saucepan is simmering._

Hey, y’all! Christmas Eve!I hope you’re all settling in at home for some maximal coziness, time with your family, lots of scheduled Zooms with those you can’t be with.Everything has pretty much come together here.We’ve got the stockings on the mantelpiece all full of candy and little treats, and based on the state of our guest room I think my mother and mother-in-law have bought all of Amazon for Felix.Which is gonna be hilarious, because he has no idea what’s going on. 

Today’s the last day of our advent calendar, and I’m gonna tell you, I peeked ahead a little bit.By which I mean, when you open the little door on the other side of the last day, you can see right through the plastic.Now you’ve all been verykind about me basically just eating somebody else’s jam at you for a month and not giving y’all any recipes, so I planned ahead and decided to make something that would compliment today’s little goodie jar, which is…

_He picks up the jar from behind the advent calendar and holds it up._

Honey!Now honey is absolutely delicious, but I think it just doesn’t get its due as a sweetener.It’s a little harder to bake with because it’s a liquid, and because it’s a touch acidic so you need to compensate if you’re doing something with a baking powder rise.But it’s got such a great flavour.I decided that, to complement the honey, I would make a mulled wine with honey, and then serve this with [some goat cheese biscuits](https://food52.com/recipes/71647-goat-cheese-biscuits).

_He unfolds the towel and pulls out a biscuit._

Now, these biscuits are made with goat cheese cut in.Most recipes will suggest you use a fresh goat cheese, but I wanted something with a little more bite to it, so I mixed half fresh cheese with an ash-rind goat cheese.This one is the [Ruth Bader Ginsberg from Dancing Goats Dairy](http://www.dancinggoatsdairy.com/products) in Massachusetts, which I thought was extra appropriate for this year.Just cut off the rind and mix it in with the fresh for a deeper flavour.There’s a touch of cracked pepper in the aged cheese, so I added a little extra to push it a bit.That’ll be perfect with the honey.And now the wine, that’s a pretty standard mulled wine.I make mine with the the [Rhode Island Red from Sakonnet Vineyard](https://www.sakonnetwine.com/wines/red-wines/) \- I know, nobody thinks of Rhode Island as a wine-producing region, but we’ve got some great table wines, and that’s what you want for mulled wine, something solid and tasty and that’s not gonna break the bank.It’s got oranges, cinnamon, honey, and clove.And it smells just about ready, so…

_He looks over his shoulder._

Sweetheart?

_Jack comes in, wearing Felix in the carrier.They are both wearing the matching pyjamas.Jack has a Santa hat in his hand, which he unceremoniously plops on Eric’s head._

Jack: Regarde, Félix, le père Noël est là.Et il est très joli. 

Eric: Ugh, you’re gonna ruin my hair. 

_He adjusts the Santa hat, and grabs two mugs._

Now, let me serve up the mulled wine. You wanna grab a biscuit, hon?And you can crack open the honey, too. 

_Jack picks up the tiny honey jar and examines it while Eric ladles the wine into mugs._

Jack: I think this jar may legitimately be too small for me to open. 

Eric: I don’t even have to be looking at you to know you’re making fun of me.

Jack (to Felix): Je taquin pas à Daddy, c’est vrai, j’suis trop grand.Tu veux m’aider? 

Eric: Trade you. 

_Eric hands Jack a mug of mulled wine and takes the honey, which he opens.Jack puts the wine down, breaks a biscuit in half, and holds out both sides for Eric to drizzle honey over._

Eric: And anyway, if you thought opening the jar was hard, I shoulda made you get it out of the box.That thing’s designed to withstand a nuclear attack or something.Okay, let’s taste! 

_Eric and Jack both bite into their biscuits._

Eric (to Jack): That’s pretty good.

Jack: What’s in the biscuit?

Eric: Goat cheese.I used the RBG stuff you bought. 

Jack: I don’t normally like goat cheese that much, but this is really interesting.

Eric (to camera): It’s a good thing I know him well enough that I know that’s not an insult. 

_Felix is squirming to try to get to Jack’s biscuit._

Jack: Non, petit, pas de miel pour toi, faut avoir deux ans.

Eric: Here, he can have a little bit of biscuit.

Jack: Soft cheese isn’t a problem?

Eric: Eh, it’s been baked. 

_Felix gums his bit of biscuit enthusiastically._

Jack: Do you think the jam advent calendar was a good idea?

Eric: Pretty much!I mean, I liked some better than others, but they were pretty much all tasty. 

Jack: You should make a jam advent calendar next year.Yours are better.

Eric: Thanks, sweetheart. 

_Eric picks up his mug._

Eric: Well, that’s the end of this adventure!If you’re celebrating this weekend, enjoy the time, and I’ll see you after the new year with some new content, finally!Merry Christmas!

Jack: Merry Christmas, y’all!

_Jack makes Felix wave._

Eric: You’re adorable. 

_Eric and Jack share a quick kiss, and clink their wine mugs._

**Author's Note:**

> It was…surprisingly hard to write Bitty in public-facing, Professional Content Creator mode for an entire story? I hope I pulled it off. I picture his vibe as a down-home Ina Garten (with Jack playing the role of Jeffery, obvs) but with more cooking-nerdery. 
> 
> All opinions on the jams are absolutely mine and I will own them. Bonne Maman, what the fuck were you thinking with that pineapple one, honestly.
> 
> Baby Felix is named Felix because it is definitely the most common name that I see among mixed Anglo/Franco marriages in my circle. So many Felixes at playgroups, like wow. (Fewer now that we’re in the school system, because the bilingual kids are in French school.) 
> 
> The dinosaur menorah that caught on fire was very kindly made for my family by my mom’s neighbour, when she was making one for her kids. They suffered the same fate, somewhere around the second or third night. Fwoosh.
> 
> Bitty’s complaint about finding holiday pyjamas to fit Jack’s…assets were inspired by the fact that my fleece Hanukkah onesie (https://www.childrensplace.com/ca/p/Unisex-Adult-Matching-Family-Long-Sleeve-Hanukkah-Fairisle-Fleece-Hooded-One-Piece-Pajamas-3013740-IV) was too tight in the thighs and sagged in the crotch. I am not a hockey player; I’m just a middle aged lady with thick thighs. I actually think Primary would fit Jack better. 
> 
> O Canada is an excellent song to hum on infinite loop when getting a baby to sleep, as my wife discovered, four whole years before we moved to Canada.


End file.
